In 2012, I wanted to be a journalist. Me being me – ambitious and sort of tunnel-visioned, began naively searching for ways to get there. To be honest, I wasn’t really confident about the job description of a journalist, but all I knew was I wanted to write for a living – non-fiction material, for a big company. Later on, I began changing my mind. I was determined to teach English; my dream program was a double degree in English and Education at Queen’s University. I was accepted, so in 2014, my mom and I, with six varying-sized suitcases between us, made our way from Hong Kong to the Canadian campus on move-in day. I turned 18 when I moved in, and became more ambitious than ever with relationships, friends, school, searching for success, and avoiding failure.
Little did I know, within the next few years of my life, I would have experienced the most amount of failure I had ever experienced in my life with social relationships, part-time job applications, and most notably, thinking that I know what I truly want. Just a year later, I changed my major to Health, believing that I had finally found my true calling (I was wrong), and started learning Italian and turned it into my minor.
However, despite these setbacks and significant changes, I kept going. I started my blog disregarding the fear of nobody reading it, I created a startup business with my friend Beatrice disregarding the fear of failing, and I started to continue thinking I know what I want, while disregarding the possibility of changing my mind completely. Today, I continue changing my mind, continuously going over the possibilities of what an ideal lifestyle for me would be, or what the ideal job for me would be. I mean two days ago, I sat at my desk after binge-watching Riverdale and suddenly decided that 2012 Chloe may have been right all-along, and decided to look at Graduate degrees in Journalism.
We change our minds at the most equivocal times in our lives, but what truly makes a difference is our choice to shun or adopt these new ideas. These new alternatives simply aid us in finding our true “fate”. Let’s take me for example – if I were to continue along the path of English and Education, I would probably be in a very different place than I am now. One path led to a “safe” career, the other was a grasped opportunity (and a risky one).
People will often fail to find their true passion because they invent excuses which all end up meaning the same thing – “I would do what I truly want, but I’m scared.” They’re afraid to pursue their true passion because they’re afraid to try, afraid to look stupid, and afraid to fail. The words “if,” and “unless,” are the most evocative words in the English language, because it suggests the type of thoughts that you have when you’re awake at night thinking about the old concept of regret. So do you know what you truly want?